from: kuitree31
As the society’s developing, collaboration （替换词：cooperation coordination ）has played an important role in academic research, where people from different fields could（用would更好些） inspire each other. Bio-computer science is such an example which makes interaction between biology and computer science. Inspired by structure of DNA, scientists come up with the idea that we can design the architecture of computer in a new way, which was called bio-computer. (第一段就用例子有点头重脚轻，不妨放后边看看)Apart from research, commercial company is also encouraged to hire the people who are good at teamwork. Because today the complexity of work is much more than before, （Nowadays, because of large amounts of complicated accomplishments ,which are much more than before,）no one could(would) learn everything. But with collaboration we can take advantage of every distinct one, which results to something amazing.(which would results in something around us becoming special and amazing.)
But I don’t think(as far as I am concerned, It seems a little unilaterat to consider ) that learning in groups is the only way we can acquire knowledge. Different people prefer to think in different way. Most of my friends tend to study with a silent environment. Noise from other people could make them interrupted. Famous physician Albert Einstein liked to stay in the roof of his house without leaving for a few days, when he tried to figure out some mysterious theory. Actually the idea from others will always confuse you, which make(makes) you can’t calm down. It’s easy to understand people who work in quiet is more efficient than that(those who) work in noise.
In addition, I have to say the idea(The second reasons to support my standpoint is ) that children of all ages work frequently in groups is not sensible. I think (替换词：consider , give thought to ,turn over in my mind evaluate )education should give children a chance to improve the ability of thinking alone, which is quite important(which plays a significant partment in children’s future). If they don’t have much chance to solve problem alone when they are very young, it’s easy to make them feel more likely to depend on others when they grow up. That’s the reason why your junior school teacher always tells you not to copy homework from others but finish it by yourself.
What decides whether collaboration is good for learning or not? I think that should be considered in different definitions of “learning”.
Firstly, learning could result to（in） study basic knowledge you don’t know before. At this time, to study alone may be more efficient than (studying ) in crowd. Because there is nothing you can share with others before you know .
In the other hand, learning also means that inspiration made by people from different academic fields. With collaboration, people could get fresh air from the place where they never step in before. Like Newton says: stand on the shoulder of giants. The ability of how to learn from others also need us cultivate during our academic life.(放到一段里)
At conclusion, what we need is not just collaboration or just solitary. We need both of them when we’re learning. We need solitary space to get our own perspective and collaboration could broad our perspective at the same time.
提纲：
第一段：学习中的合作确实是件好事啊
第二段：但学习有时候也需要个人的空间
第三段：对于学习基础知识的小孩子，他们需要培养自己思考的能力
第四段：合作好不好，关键在我们对”learning”的定义
第五段：合作、独立都要
总体写得还可以，思路很好，但是语言过于简单， 加些长音节次较好，中间段落过多 最好是5到6段论
改得不好， 希望提些意见， 互相交流
from:neverland521
修改buaa的作业
issue 42 “Because learning is not a solitary activity but one that requires collaboration among people, students of all ages will benefit academically if they work frequently in groups.”
As the society’s developing, collaboration has played an important role in academic research, where people from different fields could inspire each other. Bio-computer science is such an example which makes interaction between biology and computer science. Inspired by structure of DNA, scientists come up with the idea that we can design the architecture of computer in a new way, which was（was可以去掉 ）called bio-computer. Apart from research, commercial company is also encouraged to hire the people who are good at teamwork. Because today the complexity of work is much more（个人认为用far more更好） than before, no one could learn everything（by oneslf）. But with collaboration we can take advantage（s） of every distinct one, which results to something amazing.
But I don’t think that learning in groups is the only way we can acquire knowledge. Different people prefer to think in different way. Most of my friends tend to study with a silent environment. Noise from other people could make them interrupted. Famous physician Albert Einstein liked to stay in the roof of his house without leaving for a few days, when he tried to figure out some mysterious theory. Actually the idea from others will always confuse you, which make you can’t calm down. It’s easy to understand people who work in quiet is more efficient than that work in noise.
In addition, I have to say the idea that children of all ages work frequently in groups is not sensible. I think education should give children a chance to improve the ability of thinking alone, which is quite important. If they don’t have much chance to solve problem alone when they are very young, it’s easy to make them feel more likely to depend on others when they grow up. That’s the reason why your junior school teacher always tells you not to copy homework from others but finish it by yourself.
What decides whether collaboration is good for learning or not? I think that should be considered in different definitions of “learning”.
Firstly, learning could result to study basic knowledge you don’t know before. At this time, to study alone may be more efficient than in crowd. Because there is nothing you can share with others before you know it.
In(On )the other hand, learning also means that inspiration made by people from different academic fields. With collaboration, people could get fresh air from the place where they never step in before. Like Newton says: stand on the shoulder of giants. The ability of how to learn from others also need us cultivate during our academic life.
At(In) conclusion, what we need is not just collaboration or just solitary.(否定应该使用neither nor) We need both of them when we’re learning. We need solitary space to get our own perspective and（这里应该用一个转折连词while） collaboration could broad our perspective at the same time.
提纲：
第一段：学习中的合作确实是件好事啊
第二段：但学习有时候也需要个人的空间
第三段：对于学习基础知识的小孩子，他们需要培养自己思考的能力
第四段：合作好不好，关键在我们对”learning”的定义
第五段：合作、独立都要
(呵呵 作者和我的写作思路满像的,不过运用例子的能力令我佩服,总的来说文笔不错,有一些介词和连词还要多多注意~)
ps:第一次竟然被两个人拍了，在这里谢谢大家啊。总的来说还是造句子的能力还需改进，其实第一次写看到大家评语还蛮高兴的，我会继续努力的。